bhOndOO decides to commit suicide.

bhOndOO is very upset. Reasons:

  • he is not getting an idea in his research.
  • his guide is not happy with his performance.
  • he got very bad grades in the courses.
  • his parents are not as learned as the parents of his fellow-colleagues, to give him support.
  • he feels that he is not as charming, intelligent, bold as Gullu, and that Shami likes Gullu more.

Following the tradition, he decides to end his life. He thinks of alternatives:

  • by hanging from the fan.
  • by consuming poison.
  • by lying down on a railway track.
  • by cutting a nerve of the hand.
  • by penetrating a knife into the stomach.
  • by drowning.

bhOndOO is not able to think further. He feels sad that he is not able to come up with ideas to commit suicide! No wonder, I cannot get ideas in my research. He gets upset further.

bhOndOO starts evaluating each idea. He straight-away rejects the last idea. He has experienced drowning once and he knows how it is like. What is the point in trying it again? I should try something new. He compels his mind to believe that he is not afraid of drowning.

For penetrating a knife, bhOndOO knows that he does not have a knife. Getting one from mess-workers may make them feel suspicious. And anyway, I have enough other ideas.

Cutting a nerve with a blade sounds scary, mainly because he has a blade. But I should keep the idea as a backup option, the procedure of committing suicide should not have a single point of failure.

For lying down on a railway track, bhOndOO will have to travel to Yeshwantpur Railway Station. Lets not consider this option. We will see if other options fail.

Consuming poison requires poison. I should get some insecticide from someone.

Hanging from the fan requires a rope. I think I have one.

bhOndOO wraps the rope around the fan and checks by pulling whether the rope is strong enough. He then creates an open knot at the other end and standing on his chair inserts his head into the knot. He remembers his parents. He comes back to the floor, and starts crying. After ten minutes, he writes a note: Nobody is responsible for this suicide, and keeps it in his shirt’s pocket. He climbs up the chair again, re-inserts his head into the knot of the rope, closes his eyes and throws away the chair with his legs.

The blow to the chair has been very hard, but instead of feeling the pain in the feet, bhOndOO feels it on his head. What happened? And… what am I doing on the floor? He finds himself seated on the floor with the fan lying beside. The fan has hit him on the head.

“Hey Chunni Babu, do you have an insecticide?”. “Why? You also have a mouse in your room?”. “Umm, yes. It is eating my Compiler Handbook. I tried to divert its attention by putting a piece of bread in a corner. But it seems mice in IISc are more technology-savvy.”. Chunni Babu laughs and gives a small packet containing pink powder to bhOndOO.

Eating it directly will be difficult. I will add it to water. bhOndOO adds the powder to a glass containing water. Some nice bubbles get formed into the glass. bhOndOO smells it. Yuck! It smells worse than Vodka! But bhOndOO makes up his mind and decides to drink it.

“bhOndOO, 356, internal… bhOndOO, 356, internal…”, someone shouts on the public address system. I have a call. bhOndOO keeps the glass aside, goes to the telephone, picks up the receiver: “Hello?”. “Hello bhOndOO, this is Shami.”.

bhOndOO is excited at a moment and then remembers that he is going to commit suicide. “Yes.”. “bhOndOO, can you meet me in the lab right now?”.

bhOndOO’s mind starts working. She seems to have some problem. I must help her. But, she does not like me. I must end my life. “Sorry, I will not be able to come.”. bhOndOO’s negated statement is followed by an awkward silence which lasts for two seconds. bhOndOO keeps the receiver, without letting Shami speak.

She must be having some problem, otherwise she would not have called at 23:30. Should I postpone my suicide until tomorrow… No, no. I must do it today. It is a deadline.

bhOndOO comes to the room and finds the glass horizontal, water spilled, and the mouse dead.

bhOndOO takes out a blade, and takes it closer to his left hand. This is where they cut in the movies. bhOndOO’s pulse rate increases to four hundred and fifty per five minutes, because he is standing in his room with blade in his right hand for five minutes. It will be very painful. Lets go the Yeshwantpur Railway Station.

bhOndOO grabs his bicycle. Shall I first go to the lab and see Shami? He turns the bicycle towards the department.

Shami is seated alone in the lab — weaping. bhOndOO is astonished, but she is not surprised to see bhOndOO and does not try to clear the tears.

“What happened?”.

“My father is hospitalized. He was suffering from a severe chest pain.”.

“Oh! Don’t worry. Everything will be alright. You want to go home?”.

“Yes, but I do not know what to do? I will not get a train ticket so early.”.

“Hmmm! Do you have passport?”.

“Yes. But why?”.

“I will book a plane ticket for you online. Tomorrow morning you should be able to leave for your home. By noon, you should reach home — assuming three hour delay by the plane.”.

Shami smiles, and both of them feel good.

“Thanks bhOndOO.”.

bhOndOO smiles and nods, as if saying, You are most welcome.

After bhOndOO books a ticket online with his credit card, he says with authority, “Come, I will drop you to the hostel.”.

They both start walking with their vehicles. On the way, bhOndOO sees a dustbin and throws the chit in his shirt’s pocket into it — after tearing it off.

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9 Responses to “bhOndOO decides to commit suicide.”

  1. Haider Says:

    Quite interesting. BY helping those in need, people can find meaning in their lives.

    Keep posting more insightful thoughts!

    Haider

  2. iisc Says:

    Thank you for your comments. Being a psychiatrist yourself, you can understand the mental state of students well.

  3. if you are committing suicide… « iisc life. Says:

    […] Search terms for my blog show me that someone (or more) has (have) been Googling for the following keywords (apart from suicide in iisc) over the last 3 months (possibly because of this post): […]

  4. renzen Says:

    :omg awesome .
    A mirror.Well you have given a quite reflective image of the mind state .
    Well in the end its true ,a sense of responsibility and helping someone can make you overcome the fear that leads you toward crap like suicide.

  5. iisc Says:

    Thanks, Renzen and welcome!

  6. impressing the mother-in-law. « iisc life. Says:

    […] over the books, bhOndOO enquired, “How is Uncle’s health now?”. “After the attack, we were really scared. But he is taking regular exercise and medicines.”, Auntie replied. […]

  7. How to Get Six Pack Fast Says:

    The style of writing is quite familiar . Have you written guest posts for other bloggers?

  8. Balaji Vishwanath Says:

    My word… Thanks 🙂

  9. Manik Says:

    Very nice read !

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