shit! blessings!

Thanks to Arun for making me write on this.

bhOndOO is very excited — it is Shami’s birthday after two days (bhOndOO receives all the Yahoo! reminders two days before the event). He remebers his last time’s failure and decides to do a good job of impressing Shami this time. I must prepare well, bhOndOO tells himself and he types: vi ~/todo and continues:

  • get a new soap (how about Dove?).
  • take bath (even if you don’t get Dove).
  • shave (don’t be like Laapataa).
  • get clothes washed and ironed (much before the treat).
  • polish the sandals (your sandals need not convey the state of your research).


bhOndOO settles for Lifebuoy; Dove is too costly! He makes sure his shaving kit is usable. He also puts his clothes into the washing machine. Okay, now only polish and ironing are remaining. Will do that while coming back from the test. bhOndOO writes Compiler Design second mid-term, goes back to hostel, grabs his washed clothes, and submits those to laundry. Kal milega na? Pakka?, bhOndOO makes sure. He then goes to the polisher and gets his sandals polished. He faces trouble: If I walk back to the hostel, the sandals will lose their shining. bhOndOO finally puts the sandals in his bag — along with the Compiler Design paper. While leaving bare-foot, bhOndOO manages to avoid making an eye-contact with the shopkeeper.

Two hours remaining for the treat. bhOndOO has managed it well this time: he has taken bath (for 45 minutes), shaven (looking almost like Aamir Khan — except for the round belly), worn ironed clothes and polished sandals. The hostel room is closed from inside, bhOndOO is looking at Aamir Khan in the mirror.

Shami, Many Many Happy Returns Of The Day, Baby, trying like Anil Kapoor.

Janam Din Ki Bahut Bahut Shubhkaamnayein, Shamiji, sounds too elderly, like Ashok Kumar.

bhOndOO then tries all heroes from Shammi Kapoor to Shahid Kapoor, enacting each of them in the mirror and rejects them all. Finally, he chooses a dynamic strategy and decides to say whatever comes to mind when he sees Shami (there was a question on dynamic scoping in the paper).

Thirty minutes remaining for the treat. Lets start. Walking very carefully, bhOndOO reaches his vehicle: he does not wish to disturb the ironing. Cycling will be harmful for the ironed clothes. I will go walking. So, our Aamir Khan starts, slowly, cautiously, safely.

In front of the library, bhOndOO hears sound of droplets. Oh! Man! Rain had to start now only! bhOndOO starts walking fast. Oh! The rain drops are white in color. Bangalore is so much polluted! He starts walking faster and then abruptly stops. The researcher in him suddenly notices something. The trees are on the sides of the road, so the middle part of the road should be wet. But then, how come the middle portion is clean and the sides are getting wet? bhOndOO also notices that other people on the road are not at all bothered by the rain. Am I witnessing something like John Nash?

When the grand realization occurs to bhOndOO, he gets frozen with fear, This is bird-shit! Oh! God! Like in Matrix, bhOndOO starts saving his ironed clothes from the white droplets. bhOndOO gets irritated, Why do they eat so much!

The hundred meter road looks like the last level of the game Mario. But bhOndOO completes it successfully. He is overjoyed! He takes out his mobile to see how much time is remaining for the treat — ten minutes. bhOndOO smiles, I am doing well in time and space.

While putting the mobile back to the pocket, bhOndOO feels a cold touch to his fingers. He looks at it and stops! He looks back at the trees, the road, and the falling material, and curses all the birds, When will these birds understand the importance of clean ironed shirts! They don’t wear anything!

bhOndOO knows that cursing birds will not help him. He starts thinking of the action plan, I must go to the department and clean this up. I will still make it to the treat. bhOndOO rushes to the department and tries to hide the unclean part of his trousers from the security guard. The security guard looks suspiciously at stern bhOndOO and notices some yellow-white-brown material at the side and back of his trouser. He should not have eaten so much, he murmurs, while seeing bhOndOO entering the rest-room.

bhOndOO splashes water on the trouser eight times, but is not able to get it clean. The ironing is lost long back. Shit!, bhOndOO finally accepts his defeat. I will go back to the room and come back to tea-board. He looks at the watch. He is already late by ten minutes.

bhOndOO almost runs back (I need not mention what happens to his sandals), changes his clothes, and takes another route to avoid the birds. He is forty minutes late, but he still feels that he would be able to make it. Near tea-board, he sees Shami, Dharika, Vidya, and Megha going back to the hostel. bhOndOO stops running and shows as if he was just walking normally — his breathing speaks otherwise.

The girls look at bhOndOO. bhOndOO looks at the girl. Hi… Happy Birthday, bhOndOO’s dynamic strategy. Thanks. You didn’t come for the treat?, Shami smiles and asks. bhOndOO cannot lie to Shami. He involuntarily says, It’s your birthday, but I got blessings. They all laugh. Since bhOndOO’s dynamic strategy is over, he now does not know what to speak. There is a silence for two seconds after which Shami speaks, Girls, can you all go ahead? I will come later.

The girls leave. bhOndOO gets a special treat in tea-board. He thinks, No wonder, these are called blessings.


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11 Responses to “shit! blessings!”

  1. Sachin Says:

    does this work?

    anyways happy bday Shami,

    Personal Observation:
    Birds don’t poop from branches that are too high!!! .. its like they are playing game on Infi-loops. bomb as many as possible.
    10 points for head
    05 for a shoulder

    try looking for a path with branches that are really high!!!!
    Hint: North

  2. iisc Says:

    Well, it works for bhOndOO. And thanks Sachin for the insight.

  3. Arun Says:

    I can correlate the most with this post :D.. have been caught the most no. of times by them.. The default avg hit ratio for me is once a month probably…
    Hopefully as iisc.. once said if u get hit, u get their blessings to do a good project and hopefully get a research paper out of it. 🙂

  4. vivek Says:

    Hey sachin…..i have a problem with your grading system……
    actually its….
    4 points for shoulder
    7 points for head and
    10 points for eyes…….believe me or not yesterday a friend of mine got the blessings in this unique way….i wonder who trains them for aiming so perfectly……

  5. sachin M Says:



    woww , i guess the birds in iisc are also smart!

  6. madhu’s marriage gift and the sms chaos. « iisc life. Says:

    […] out to buy any gift. His umbrella was torn by a sudden attack of a few birds after the birds read this post. He kept waiting for the rain to stop and the rain-fall reduced at 17:45. bhOndOO grabbed his […]

  7. loop Says:

    my average was once in 8 months, for the two years i spent there

  8. loop Says:

    ahh, 8 shows up again

  9. height of revenge. « iisc life. Says:

    […] This image is added to the story shit! blessings!: […]

  10. symptoms of being in love. « iisc life. Says:

    […] when you walk on the road in front of the library and start noticing pairs of birds rather than worrying about the shitty blessings. […]

  11. bhOndOO on a bicycle drive. « iisc life. Says:

    […] then Nesara, then Library. The road in front of the library has always been a hell for bhOndOO and paradise for birds. But it was afternoon and bhOndOO was “safe”. He looked at his mobile, it showed 15:59. […]

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