dinner in the mess.

Thanks to Arnab for providing the story.


Having gone through an embarassing episode at Nesara, bhOndOO decides to eat in the mess. bhOndOO is not anti-social, but he is not social either (you know that from his number of friends on orkut). To avoid crowd, bhOndOO reaches A-mess at 19:30. There are very few students eating. The matrix is sparse, bhOndOO tries to technically narrate the situation.

bhOndOO joins the queue containing a single element. He picks up a plate, takes some rice, dal, and is behind the element to take pickle. Why is this chap employing such an exponential algorithm for pickle-analysis?, bhOndOO questions himself. The element in front is struggling with the right amount of pickle to fall in his plate (he is from the Maths department). bhOndOO keeps looking at the element’s spoon and the attached pickle being moved up-and-down with vigour by the Mathematician.

The pickle finally settles on bhOndOO’s spects.

bhOndOO decides against having any (additional) pickle, leaves the queue, keeps his plate on an unoccupied table and goes to the basin. After washing the spects (after 17 months: last time it was washed when bhOndOO was thrown in water during a trek), bhOndOO turns back to return to the pickle-less plate. Suddenly, bhOndOO witnesses doubling related to three organs in his body: (a) the white open area in his eyes behind the big spects, (b) the width of his shabby lips, and (c) the heart-beat rate. bhOndOO sees that the sparse matrix now contains a beautiful additional node adjacent to his node.

bhOndOO remembers his orkut fortune: You have a friendly heart and are well admired. bhOndOO analyzes the fortune in the current scenario and concludes: If I show my friendly behavior to her, she will admire me. bhOndOO gets overjoyed with the conclusion. He takes a deep breath and starts walking gracefully (please do not imagine) towards the dinner table having only two plates — one occupied, and the other, pickle-less.

bhOndOO settles at his chair opposite to the beautiful node, and while sitting gracefully, manages to give a push to the table. The table vibrates. The girl gets disturbed, looks up, and murmurs something, for which bhOndOO remembers the line: Main woh nagame teri aawaz ko de aaya tha.

bhOndOO starts mixing up dal and rice and before he could eat anything, he sees a strong dark node coming his way. bhOndOO gets frightened to see his expressions, since the boy is looking (almost) angrily at bhOndOO and is rushing towards him. bhOndOO’s pulse rate doubles again and he keeps looking at the calamity that is going to hit him soon. He thinks of probable causes:

  • the boy is the body-guard, fiancé, or brother of the beautiful node.
  • while washing his spects, I spilled water on the trouser of the boy.
  • when a few days ago, I tried to puncture Gullu’s bicycle, by mistake, I punctured this boy’s bicycle.
  • I took money from him last year and haven’t yet returned it.
  • he came to know that the first thought I got about him while having dinner with this beautiful girl is: The beauty and the beast.

bhOndOO does not know which reason to zero-in on. He has to let the calamity arrive and explain. The calamity is two-step close and bhOndOO is frozen with the thought, This is a boy from a distance, but actually this is a giant! The giant raises his hand and bhOndOO thinks of Jackie Chan, Dharmendra, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally settles for Johny Walker: he does not do anything.

The giant holds bhOndOO’s hand and bhOndOO closes his eyes — he knows that the next thing he is going to witness is something on his left cheek. But instead his ears witness something, What are you doing?

bhOndOO opens eyes and looks at the giant. The giant looks almost frightened. bhOndOO manages to utter, What?

Why are you eating from my plate?

bhOndOO, puzzled, looks first at the plate, then at the table, then at the girl, and finally at the sideby table which also contains an unattended plate having rice and dal.

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11 Responses to “dinner in the mess.”

  1. Arnab Says:

    🙂
    BhOndOO knows why!

  2. Venkat Says:

    LOL!!!

  3. iisc Says:

    Thanks for the story, Arnab.

    Thanks, Venkat, for enjoying.

  4. Sachin Says:

    LOL!… boy BhOndOO just gets better n better

  5. iisc Says:

    Thanks, Sachin. Major portion of the credit goes to the contributers who provide me stories.

  6. chirag jasani Says:

    hi there,
    i ve read some of u r blogs and i must say u write really well.
    i am really impressed with the idea of usng bhondoo to convey different common life situations
    well. keep it up.

  7. iisc Says:

    Thank you, Chirag. It is this kind of encouragement from readers like you that keeps this blog moving.

  8. loop Says:

    >> Why are you eating from my plate?

    i dont know if it has 8 meanings, but there are two for sure in this context 😀

  9. iisc Says:

    You get it correct, loop.

  10. ex-iiscian Says:

    good writing keep going….

  11. iisc Says:

    Thanks ex-iiscian and welcome to the blog.

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