bhOndOO flies.

Thanks to Shekhar Kaka for this story.


bhOndOO was excited. He was going by flight for the first time. So far, in order not to feel it redundant, bhOndOO had been using his passport as an identity proof while traveling by train. But this time, he was feeling proud to use it for the correct cause.

One of bhOndOO’s uncles was about to elapse his frequent flier award of traveling anywhere in India for free. For lack of options, he asked bhOndOO to plan a trip to his native. bhOndOO simply jumped onto the opportunity.

“Passport please.”, a sweet voice asked.

bhOndOO took his time to take out the coveted passport from his shabby bag and managed to upset the passengers behind him. The voice no longer remained sweet when the lady at the counter looked at the passport-photo, “Is this your photo?”.

“Yes, of course. Oh! You may not recognize. It was taken when I was in 12th standard. Cute no? I was very slim then and did not have spects.”.

The uneasiness amongst the following passengers made the lady believe that the photo contained bhOndOO. She asked, “Do you have any luggage to be checked-in?”.

bhOndOO thought that his only bag needed to be checked for security. He held his bag above and kept it on the counter.

“You want to check it in?”, the lady asked looking at the shabby bag and without touching it.

bhOndOO got upset with the repeated questions, “Why, you don’t want to check it?”.

The counter-lady got red with anger to have encountered such a person today. She showed the highest form of professional politeness and kept herself calm, “Sir, would you like to take this bag with you in the cabin or would you like it to go with the luggage?”.

“I would prefer it to be with me.”.

“Thanks.”, the lady said sarcastically with a not-so-gentle smile and continued, “You can take back your bag.”.

bhOndOO pushed the bag onto his back.

She continued, “Window seat?”.

“Meaning?”.

There was a hash-hush amongst the following passengers. The strong man following bhOndOO took the lead, “Would you like to sit next to a window in the plane?”.

“Oh! In the plane?” and bhOndOO remembered his mother warning him not to sit beside a window, or else bhOndOO would take out his hand!

“No. Not a window seat.”.

The counter-lady kept looking at bhOndOO for a second and replied, “Okay. Here’s your ticket.”.

“Thank you.”, and bhOndOO left the queue for others.

bhOndOO kept looking at the ticket. Lot of numbers confused him. He was trying to make out what each number meant, when he heard a loud sweet voice, “Excuse me, Sir.”.

bhOndOO looked back. The same counter-lady was waving at bhOndOO, “Your passport.”.

“Oh!”, bhOndOO went back and collected his identity.

“Please walk this way for security check.”.

“Thanks.”.

“You are welcome, Sir.”, the lady did not say this.

bhOndOO walked past the counter and went ahead for security check. He was standing behind a lady. The lady kept her luggage in a plastic pan and went ahead. bhOndOO followed. He kept his bag in another plastic pan and went behind the lady.

“Hey, that is for ladies. Go this way.”, a security guard with a big moustache directed bhOndOO.

bhOndOO, a bit embarrassed, went via another gate to another security guard.

“Ticket?”.

And I thought he was a security guard, bhOndOO thought to himself. “I kept it in the plastic pan.”.

The security guard kept looking at bhOndOO and asked the guard with moustache to bring bhOndOO’s boarding pass. He then asked bhOndOO to keep his hands in air.

Using an instument similar to a tennis-bat, the guard checked bhOndOO. The instrument beeped at bhOndOO’s (invisible) biceps, and then at his stomach.

The guard asked him to take out his shirt. bhOndOO looked around for girls, and found many. “Make it fast!”, the guard shouted.

bhOndOO took out his shirt hesitantly. The guard kept looking at him. There were metallic threads wound around his arms, three on each arm. There were two chains around his neck and another thread surrounding his oval belly. The guard could not stop himself from exclamation, “What is this!”.

“Since I am traveling for the first time by flight, my mother, my mother’s sisters, my father’s sisters, and my grandmothers gave these tavees to me. They said that these tavees would protect me from calamity.”.

The guard looked at other guards, then back at bhOndOO, “Put on your shirt.”. Then he stamped bhOndOO’s ticket, Security Check Passed and handed it over to him.

bhOndOO took the boarding pass, tucked in his shirt and started towards the sitting area. Suddenly, he heard a voice, “Hello?”.

He looked back to witness his embarrasser — the security guard — pointing his finger at a plastic can, “Your bag.”.

bhOndOO collected his bag, came to the sitting area and kept looking at the open ground behind the glass door.

Fast forward — bhOndOO was in the plane. He got a seat between an almost bald, strong, aged man on his left at the window seat and a handsome slim young man on his right. bhOndOO went into his train-mode and chose the latter for talking.

“Hi.”.

“Hello.”.

“I am a graduate student at Indian Institute of Science.”.

“I work in software industry.”.

bhOndOO was into the train-mode: “Are you going to Bombay?”.

“???”, the young man kept looking and continued, “Well, the plane goes to Bombay. I am planning to get down just before Bombay using my parachute.”, the young man replied sarcastically.

bhOndOO realized his mistake and turned away to look outside the window. He spotted the strong man using his mobile. bhOndOO decided not to repeat the mistake and to make a good talk with him.

“Hi.”.

“Hi.”.

“I am a graduate student in Indian Institute of Science.”.

“Hmmm…”.

bhOndOO did not expect such a cold response. He did not want the conversation to end there. He tried, “Where do you work?”.

The strong man looked at bhOndOO, with rather an angry face, and replied, “I work in entertainment industry.”.

“That sounds interesting. I am bhOndOO. What is your name?”.

“I am Salman Khan.”.

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11 Responses to “bhOndOO flies.”

  1. Satish Says:

    Interesting. Is it real or fiction? If a real story is changed, who is the actual celebrity in the story?

  2. iisc Says:

    Satish, the last part is real and I have kept the end intact (except that it was executive class) — yes, the celebrity was Salman Khan himself!

  3. Vamsi Says:

    Happy new year bhOndOO 🙂

  4. bhOndOO times at Blogbharti Says:

    […] student at IISc Bangalore, who calls himself bhOndOO, chronicles his experience as he boards the flight for the first time: “Passport please.”, a […]

  5. Benglued Says:

    Interesting Story bhOndOO

  6. bhanu kishore Says:

    different story!

  7. amreekandesi Says:

    Funny story! Incredible if true!

  8. vinay Says:

    hahaha…had a hearty laugh at the end…bhOndOO never disappoints 🙂

  9. Surabhi Says:

    Irritating !!!

  10. pranav Says:

    cud u tell my why didn’t bhondoo recognize salman? or did he deliberately want to make some fun by asking an unexpected question?

  11. iisc Says:

    Well, bhOndOO had seen salman with hair in movies and in that first experience of flying, with excitement and nervousness and enthusiasm, he managed to do what he keeps doing: bhOndOO-giri.

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