phd glossary.

interview: An event similar to the one before marriage where a boy and his family visits a girl’s house to judge her. The only difference is that in case of PhD interview, the interviewee has to visit the interviewers’ room to get judged.

admission: A program specially designed to get rid of obesity. Losing weight is a prerequisite for doing research and this program ensures it by the following means.

  • The hostels and the departments are positioned as far apart in campus as possible.
  • Candidates are encouraged to visit various centers (like health, library, SERC, main building, etc.) to ensure conformance with the longest path algorithm.
  • When asked for directions to a department, candidates are directed exactly in the opposite direction by the seniors.
  • Hostel Office personnel increase the amount of time and the number of times they visit Kabini.
  • Entry to the mess is done only after the registration, i.e., after completing the longest tour in campus.

advisor/guide:

  • A person who is ready to share the trash you create.
  • A person who, by paying for your coffee, holds the right to stop your income for the next 5 years.
  • A person who is responsible for your maximum happiness by going on vacation.

co-guide: One side of the game Beench ka bandar (a monkey in the middle).

rtp: Research Training Program. A formal way to waste a semester.

assignment: A program especially designed for promoting open source movement.

course project: A phenomenon that allows an instructor to believe that students have not opted for any other course.

semester: Four months of rigorous imprisonment.

summer holidays: Time of the academic year when advisor goes on leave giving 50 research papers to the student for reading with a goodbye note, “Happy Holidays.”.

internship: A way to make money during PhD.

literature survey: Selection of less unreadable research papers from the more unreadable ones. This phenomenon is empirically found to create the most conducive environment for sleeping.

perspective seminar: A wake up call for advisor and student.

comprehensive examination:

  • A legal way for not doing research for over a month.
  • A promotion that increases your income by Rs.1000.

conference: A trash can.

journal: A material that adds elasticity to your PhD and extends its duration.

program committee: The poor souls who sort out a better trash from the good one.

research paper: Outcome of the ingeniousness of transforming 2 pages into 10.

call for papers: A phenomenon that triggers most of the research in the world.

abstract submission: A reminder to start writing a research paper.

submission deadline:

  • An end to the demands of the advisor.
  • An end to the cheating.

title: An interplay of the heaviest keywords cleverly adapted from the literature with the guarantee of being unique.

abstract: Well, abstract.

introduction: A section of the research paper to increase expectations of the reader without meeting them.

background/preliminaries: A methodical way to meet page requirement.

related work: A section where researchers write in detail about the remotely similar ideas and briefly mention or thoughtfully miss the closest ones. The section also offers a platform for taking a shot at your research rival.

conclusion: Table of content in past tense.

future work: It constitutes of two aspects: (i) suggesting ideas not implemented by you that you are sure of not implementing in the future, and (ii) not talking about the ideas you are actually going to implement next.

bibliography: A space provided to improve your own h-index.

paper submission: A false belief carried for next two months of having done work.

rebuttal period: Time when you, the accused, is brought to the court for trial.

paper rejection: Prevailing of reality that triggers your self say, “I could not fool them.”.

paper acceptance: A drug to boost your morale triggering you to think of normal human activities like girl-friend, marriage, kids, job, etc.

citation: A legal way to show the place where you performed the robbery.

colloquium: An institutional method to ask around how to beautify the trash you have created.

thesis: An act of violence against trees.

defense: A formal way for the advisor to say to his student, “I can’t take you anymore.”.

convocation: A function that marks starting of your explanation, “No, I am not a medical doctor.”.

phd: Doctor of Philosophy. A degree that only you and your parents care about. It is also used by girls’ parents to decide whom not to let their daughters get married.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , ,

6 Responses to “phd glossary.”

  1. Maneesh Says:

    Hahahaha!!! I like!!

    Sad but true…

    Some more additions :
    Weekly seminars in Mecheng (from the M.E. perspective) – Free attendance.

    Weekly seminars in Mecheng (from the Ph.D. perspective) – Free coffee + Legit slacking off.

    Specialized seminars (held in the conference room with say 10 people attending) – Free coffee + Biscuits + Free visibility

    I know… I’m a disgrace…

    So sue me!!! 😀

  2. Anisha Says:

    HAHA! Loved the last one.

  3. Deepti Says:

    extremely good!!

    aap pehle they kaha
    🙂

  4. Madhurima Says:

    loved it…agree with almost all of it…what a way to begin my day:)

  5. vinay Says:

    Such honesty isn’t advisable! 😛

    hahahahhaa!!! I haven’t had to suppress laughter so much in my office ever, lest I would burst out loudly…Ultimate creativity carrying an essence of reality! Claps and more claps! 😀

  6. testhsi Says:

    testhsi…

    […]phd glossary. « iisc life.[…]…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: