krishna-printer

Thanks to Subhajit for the idea of this story. When I narrated the story to Arun, his response was “I will blog about it before you.”. Looks like he is busy with implementing Constant Propagation.


On a fine Sunday afternoon, in Computing Lab, bhOndOO was typing something in LaTeX. For the first time, he was less worried about formatting and more about the text. It was a love-letter for Shami.

He knew he had miserably failed on all the previous occasions to express his feelings to her. And he wanted to do it. And he wanted to do it before Shami graduated. The best way he could see now was to put the feelings down in a document. He wrote down around 20 sentences and made 40 corrections. Despite that, he was not happy with the attempt. He wanted to enhance the writing, he wanted it to sound romantic as well as true, and he found it paradoxical.

Let me revise it in the hostel room, bhOndOO made a wise decision.

bhOndOO fired a job to take a printout of his love-letter. He stood up from his chair and went to the printer. A patient wait of two complete minutes resulted only in getting angry with (i) Hewlett Packard, (ii) the HP printer, and (iii) Computing Lab administrators.

Does this printer eat letters? bhOndOO wondered. He walked back angrily to his machine and fired another job for the printout. An impatient wait of one minute resulted only in fuming.

“Damn it! This printer is stupid!”.

After cursing the printer, life in general and PhD in particular, bhOndOO came back to senses. The researcher in him popped up as bhOndOO’s curiousity overpowered his anger. What must be the problem? Did the printer not like my love letter? Did I fire the printout on the correct printer?

The last question made bhOndOO notice the printer on which he had accidentally fired the print: krishna-printer.

“Shit!”. Looks like my love-letter is in wrong hands. I must find out who this krishna-printer is.

“BenJi?”, bhOndOO went to his best friend seated in a corner writing a long blog post.

“I am busy.”.

“Where is krishna-printer?”.

“I am busy.”.

“BenJi? Listen. It is important.”.

“I am busy.”.

“You are just updating your blog, not really doing research.”.

“I am updating my research blog, you idiot!”.

“You have a research blog?”.

BenJi turned towards bhOndOO, “Yes, any problem?”.

“No, I mean, no problem. But just wondering, how do you manage to write a blog on something you don’t do!”, and bhOndOO chuckled.

BenJi gave an anguish stare to bhOndOO, “Not everyone is like you. Some are smart.”, and this time, BenJi chuckled.

“Okay, okay. Just tell me where this krishna-printer is.”.

“Why are you asking me? Ask Jagga Sir. He would know.”.

“Okay. Thanks.”.

Mr. Jagga was the technical staff member of CSA. He managed all hardware/software configurations of the department. bhOndOO came back to his machine and composed a mail to Jagga Sir from his gmail account.

Dear Sir,

Could you kindly let me know where krishna-printer is? I accidentally fired a print on that printer and do not know where it is.

Thanks.

bhOndOO.

After sending the mail, as if an exam was over, bhOndOO relaxed. He started humming, “Ye mera prem patra padhkar, tum naraaz na hona, ke tum meri zindagi ho, ke tum meri bandagi ho…“. The words made bhOndOO realize that the problem was not solved. He had to find krishna-printer urgently. For, if someone else read his love-letter to Shami…

“Hey BenJi?”.

No response.

“BenJi!!!”.

No response.

bhOndOO pressed the reboot button of BenJi’s machine.

“Stupid! Idiot! What did you do! I had not saved it!”.

“WordPress will save it for you, don’t worry.”.

“You don’t do that to me again, understood?”.

“Okay man! I have something urgent to ask.”.

“What?”.

“I printed something on krishna-printer.”.

“Again krishna-printer!”.

“Listen. It is very important.”.

“Okay. Go on.”.

“I thought I was printing on this printer, but it went to krishna-printer. Since the printout didn’t come out, I printed the document again.”.

“What document?”.

bhOndOO hesitated, looked down, and “… It is… actually, … it is a letter.”.

BenJi got suspicious, “To whom?”.

“To…”.

“To… Shami?”.

“Yes.”.

“You wrote a love-letter to Shami?”.

“Umm… Yes.”.

“And you printed it on krishna-printer?”.

“Yes.”.

“And you printed two copies of your love-letter on krishna-printer?”.

“Yes.”.

“You are the biggest idiot of this century.”.

“I know. But what happened?”.

“You are going to end up in a big soup.”.

“What happened?”.

“You are a real bhOndOO!”.

“Would you tell me what happened?”.

krishna-printer is the printer of your advisor, Prof. Krishnamurthy, you idiot!”.

All the expressions for which a word exists in English dictionary suddenly disappeared from bhOndOO’s face. He allowed himself to settle in a chair. BenJi’s anger suddenly transformed itself into compassion. He allowed the silence to stay and gave time for bhOndOO to react. bhOndOO took more than a minute.

“What will he think of me? My PhD is in shambles. I am ruined.”. He started weeping.

“Listen, bhOndOO. Relax. Now don’t start crying. It will not help. We should think something. bhOndOO? Come on. Relax.”.

bhOndOO tried to wipe out his tears and more tears followed.

A sudden spark appeared in BenJi’s eyes, “Hey! Today is Sunday, right?”.

“So what?”.

“Prof. Krishnamurthy must not be in his room. We still have a chance.”.

“What chance? We have no chance. He will read it tomorrow.”.

“No wait. How about …?”

“No way, BenJi! We are not going to sneak into his room. Not at all.”.

“But bhOndOO, …”.

“No.”.

“We can get the key to his room from the office, …”.

“No.”.

“And… the office key from the security desk.”.

“No.”.

“We will keep the keys back after we collect the two copies of the printout…”.

“I said, NO.”, bhOndOO was firm, for the first time in his life.

“Okay. Then there is only one way.”.

“What?”.

“You write to Prof. Krishnamurthy and apologize a priori. If he sees your mail first, before looking at the printout, he will most probably pardon you.”.

bhOndOO thought for a moment. He pondered over all different ways to tackle the situation, but all the ways involved some risks. BenJi’s suggestion sounded the only legitimate way to save his PhD.

As a last push, BenJi declared, “Don’t worry. I will compose the mail for you.”.

bhOndOO was not in a state to think. He allowed BenJi to take over. BenJi took the control of bhOndOO’s gmail mailbox and composed the mail.

Dear Sir,

I accidentally printed copies of a personal letter on your printer. The letter is written to Shami and I apologize a priori about it. If possible, please forgive me. I will concentrate on my PhD.

Sorry again.

bhOndOO.

Before BenJi could click on the Send button, Gmail suddenly showed Inbox(1).

“Hey bhOndOO, you have a new email.”.

“Wait! This is the most important mail of my life that is getting composed. I can’t think of reading any other emails right now.”.

bhOndOO read BenJi-composed mail ten times and was still not sure whether it could not be improved. BenJi asked him to relax, “Don’t worry. Believe in God. Everything will be fine.”, and finally clicked on the Send button.

Via IISc’s proxy, gmail took its time. Sending… displayed gmail. With each second of wait, bhOndOO’s blood pressure was on the rise. Something wrong is going to happen. I am not going to get my PhD for sure.

Your message has been sent., google declared and showed below the list of messages in Inbox(1).

“Oh! Jagga Sir has replied!”, bhOndOO shouted.

BenJi clicked on the mail. It read as below.

Dear bhOndOO,

krishna-printer is the age old printer of Prof. Krishnamurthy. It is not in function now. If you printed something on it, you can be sure that it went nowhere.

Best wishes.

Jagga.

BenJi and bhOndOO looked at each other. And again, English failed to describe their expressions.

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14 Responses to “krishna-printer”

  1. Vijayanth Says:

    I can only say that English fails to give me adequate words of praise to describe this story…. šŸ™‚

  2. pranav Says:

    LOL .. poor chap!

  3. Sudhira Says:

    Superb!

  4. Meghana Says:

    Wow! One of the best stories in the last few days.

  5. Suneel Madhekar Says:

    Hahaha! Poor fellow!!

  6. madpab Says:

    I just wanted to tel tat.. I’m not so sure of what exactly to say!! the story was so engaging and now I feel as if I’m right in tat situation.. again unexplainable

  7. Lalit Patnaik Says:

    Hilarious! Edge-of-the-seat stuff… šŸ™‚

  8. Aparna Iyer Says:

    one of the best stories u ve written

  9. Dinesh Dileep Says:

    I am shocked and surprised to hear this story, because it happened to me,,,,:-),,,only diff is,, in my case ,it was not my advisor and it was not a love letter but something similar… :-))

  10. vinay Says:

    amazing stuff!! too good!! thoroughly enjoyed reading it..thanks for all the chuckles and laughters šŸ˜€
    Hail bhOndOO!! šŸ™‚

  11. Krupa Says:

    lol..:)..Superb..

  12. Jk Says:

    Amazing as always… I like the way you pay credits of the story due-fully to the initiator – but surely making a warm and cosy fire from the spark – bhOOndOO, there is no one equal to u šŸ™‚

  13. Sunil Says:

    Enjoyed it thoroughly. Great post.

  14. Palash Says:

    Seriously, why dont you write a book?

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